A couple of nights ago, I had the most fanTAStic time. I was feeling good, being productive in a tangible way, and having interesting and important conversations with my BFF while using excited hand gestures, raised voices, swear words and everything! I hadn’t done yoga or worried about pain in, like, several hours, and even though I hadn’t left the house that day, I was ON TOP OF THE WORLD! It was just so much darn good wholesome fun. Wow.
Later that night, a nasty little hairy-under-the-bed monster of a migraine paid me a visit, and like those nasty little monster-migraines do, it invaded my whole body to the tips of my hands and feet and latched on all night and into the following days. ugh.
“But you were feeling so good last night… What happened?” asked my friend with whom I had had interesting and important conversations while using excited hand gestures just the night before.
“Er…I think I had too much fun,” I replied in my most dejected mid-migraine voice.
“So now you have to watch out for feeling too good on top of all the other regular-life things you must carefully avoid?” she asked.
“Uh, I guess so.”
We agreed that this is just. plain. stupid.
I’ve read in a few different places that migraineurs will sometimes experience a “surge of energy” or “feeling of elation” just before the onset of a migraine, but I’m skeptical that this is some sort of physiological pre-migraine warning. I (am not a doctor) think it’s more simply that when a person feels good after feeling like Oscar the Grouch for days on end, they might be tempted to go a bit overboard with the having of fun, thus overstimulating their nervous system and causing pain.
Furthermore, when I feel great after many days of feeling bad, it’s tempting to climb to the top of the nearest mountain, put my hands on my hips and scream “HA! Take that nasty little monster! All my complicated dieting and yoga and vitamins and trips to the neurologist are paying off, and now the Old Me is back with a vengeance! Watch me sing and yell and do cartwheels while listening to loud music, painting rainbows everywhere, and simultaneously blogging about the whole thing!!!” (Also, I will often try to do my neglected to do list all in one day.) This routine sure is fun, but so far it has not been at all sustainable.
So, what have I learned from this, other than the fact that migraines are stupid, and having too much fun is a no no? Perhaps that I should avoid the captivating charm of the Old Me, and learn to enjoy my good days by have quiet, calm fun as the New Me (who might be a bit less vivacious, but pretty rad nonetheless), thereby having more good days as the New Me, and less days feeling a manic tug between Old Me and New Me in a Lot of Pain.
This idea is not so terribly hard to grasp in the context of my social life, but in the context of the classroom? If being the most animated and whacky person in a room full of 30 tired and complicated hormonal beings is no longer my shtick, then what is? I’ve got until September to wrap my head around returning to teaching as the New Me, but I’m just so scared that it’s just not going to work, and I will have to re-think my whole career path that, so far, has remained unchanged since grade five.
And now, for your listening and dancing pleasure, here is the wise and stylish Janelle Monae:
p.s. If you like, you could leave your thoughts in the form of comments, below. I would like that.