thank you for trying to help

have you tried 2

Thank you for wanting me to feel better. Thank you for showing you care.

Also, please understand: unless you are a specialist or fellow pain fighter*, your suggestions do not have much clout.

With chronic pain, there might be a combination of things that is majorly helpful, but there is rarely a magic bullet. What worked for your aunt’s cousin might not work for me too. I’m already trying new treatments (we usually are), and as it is, I have a list longer than Mr. Fantastic’s arm of things to try and places to go. It simultaneously gives me hope and makes me kind of tired to think about it. If you really want to help me, please follow these steps:

1) Listen

2) Believe me

3) Ask how you can help

4) Be true to your own needs and limitations

Thank you for trying to help.

An extra deep thank you to several of my family members who are currently engaged in concretely helpful things. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

*Suggestions from fellow pain fighters who acknowledge the lack of a magic bullet are more than welcome.

Miniature 3D felted portraits of my cats Twinkle and Peanut crafted by the talented Laura MacDonald of Peents Peeves.


  1. Be sure to share with us if you’ve found a polite but firm way to redirect the good intentions of those who ‘just want to help’… I had someone recently suggest (after my 20+ yr history of this) if I had tried massages. I didn’t know how to respond

    1. Ohhh my. What are they thinking? “Thank you for trying to help” and “yes” or “it’s on the list, thanks” is all I’ve got! If I feel comfortable enough, or like they care, I might mention that migraine is a complex neurological disease, and successful treatment plans vary widely from person to person, and assure them I am currently trying new things. I rarely get that far though. This is we we are hesitant to bring it up at all, eh? It’s nice to not feel alone though. And hey, have you tried not drinking wine? (Jk) 🙂

  2. If people want to give your nearly 84-year-old Auntie Mary medical advice, she tells them it will cost them $5.

  3. Don’t forget all the good dietary advice, and “have you thought of avoiding triggers?”, and “you know, you could get some counselling” LOL

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